**1A: Vaporeon**
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take co*ck all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.
**1B: Vaporeon (Male)**
Well, well, well. It appears that [insert the person that posts the Vaporeon copypasta] is a fellow Vappy f*ck connoisseur. However, screw the female version. You get those same ol’ two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show.
Those long slippery dicks. They have full mobility control with like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull off anywhere to the side of the road, or go into a public restroom at the beach. Get each other aroused, and have the f*ck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone with that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it’s ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy.
And that’s only the dick. Due to having internal balls, they’re much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond.
There’s still more though. Due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be f*cked, while also f*cking your Vappy at the same time! Me-owth, that’s f*cking right!
But, but, but! There’s still f*cking more! Like, holy sh*t, male Vaps are the gods of f*ck. While you’re f*cking your male Vappy, possibly while also being f*cked by him, their booty is on their tail, at the base, which is the thickest part, because that’s where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it’s being f*cking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be f*cking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for f*ck!
Well, guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome f*cker like me. That’s right. There’s. Even. F*cking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained. You don’t need a Sylveon’s feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon’s psychic powers, or Leafeon’s vines. Vappies got that sh*t covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It’s basically a boa constrictor. In a non sexual sense, it’s my favorite part of a Vappy. It’s basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won’t be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.
Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren’t possible IRL? Such as, soft vore? Well guess f*cking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (passed where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air, like a ghost type. But, who wants to do knotty sh*t with air? You can’t feel it unless it’s moving. You can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you’re a weirdo who likes digestion, don’t worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they’ll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you’re a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past!
I would love to say there’s even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of f*ck the respect it deserves. Umbreons may be my favorite. But, damn, Vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It’s a really close call.
**2: Umbreon**
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it’s human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it’s cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3’3″ tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It’s relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it’s combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It’s ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it’s current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you’re getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon’s energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon’s wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you’re hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon’s movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay sh*t, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it’s sleep, making it an effective 24/7 f*ckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon’s defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon’s slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it’s sunny). It’s access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
**3: Glaceon**
Hey guys, did you know in terms of human and Pokémon breeding, neither Vaporeon or Umbreon are the most compatible for humans? I’m actually quite disgusted at the amount of misinformation going around this community relating to them. They’re actually both outclassed by another one of their Eeveelutions, Glaceon. Both genders, too. Let me explain. Glaceon is 2 feet and 7 inches tall in height, giving it the perfect composure to f*ck. It weighs approximately 57.1 pounds, giving it a small enough weight to move around during f*cking, but also enough to not feel too light or too heavy when you’re using your dick on it. Glaceon’s stat spread is also incredibly versatile for sex, with incredible Defense and Special Defense. It has lackluster Attack, but the best part is its Special Attack. You’ll see why later. As an ice type, having such good defenses is incredibly rare. You also might be thinking, “but your dick would freeze inside of its puss-puss!” This is not true! Here is its Pokédex entry from Pokémon Sun, circa 2016. “It can control its body temperature at will. This enables it to freeze the moisture in the atmosphere, creating flurries of diamond dust.” Glaceon can control its body temp at will, so if you don’t want your dick to be frozen, you can create the perfect environment for dicking it down by telling it to change its temperature! This way, you can f*ck it in so many different ways, temperatures, and more! Now onto its moves, which are also incredibly useful for sex. By level up, it learns Helping Hand. This allows it to increase your f*cking power by double, increasing your pleasure times two! It also learns Bite, meaning it can get freaky and tune to whatever sh*t you like in the bed. Best of all, it can use MIRROR COAT. This means whenever you cum, it can double back the pleasure like a special attack, meaning you’ll feel all the pleasure IT had during sex times TWO! Combine this with Helping Hand and you’ll be turned into a human cum nozzle! Glaceon also learns Barrier, which if used just thrice, turns it into a massively defensive tank, so it can take physical attacks for days, literal f*cking days! It can also use Hail. Now, if you use it outside, it will Hail outside. Go back inside and the Hail won’t affect you! Best of all, combine the Hail with Glaceon’s ability Ice Body, and it will gradually replenish it’s Health Points during a hailstorm! This means it will NEVER f*cking stop enduring all your “hits,” so you can f*ck it over and over and over, combining this with Barrier, and you could probably f*ck it for 24 hours straight, if not more! It also learns Baby Doll Eyes, Charm, Captivate, and Yawn, allowing it to get itself right in the mood, along with you too! It even learns Fake Tears, Covet, and Tickle, allowing you to roleplay with it if you’re in the mood. It even learns Stored Power, meaning if it uses enough Barriers, it can release all of the Defensive energy it has into, you guessed it, f*cking SPECIAL ATTACK!!! And with its absolutely GODLY special attack stat, you’ll be drowning in waves of pleasure due to this attack! And it doesn’t get rid of the Barrier boosts, so as long as you have enough ethers, it can do this over and over WHILE you’re f*cking it! Hell, it even learns attract, which makes you fall so deeply in love with it that you’ll be in a trance of f*cking! It can take charge with that as well and use your love to make it f*ck it how IT wants! Which means it’s not just pleasurable for you, it’s also pleasurable for your Glaceon! It even learns Aurora Veil, which in the Hail, protects it even f*cking MORE from taking too much damage! Combine this with Ice Body and Barrier and you can f*ck it for decades without either of you ever getting tired! Glaceon also learns refresh, so if that wasn’t enough, it can never get sick while you’re f*cking it, protecting you from any and all STIs and STDs! I rest my case, Glaceon is the BEST Pokémon you can f*ck. 🙂
Edit: there’s more
**4A: Flareon** Actually guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the hottest Pokemon? Flareon is the definition of smoking, and with the highest attack stat among eeveelutions, passionate is an understatement! She’ll be ‘in heat’ until her flames are thoroughly doused. If her insides are a furnace, her womb is a crucible just waiting to get filled. With low HP, defence, and a x2 weakness to ground, rock, and water, you’ll finish her with no problem. But what she lacks in stamina, she makes for with persistence. With her abilities Flash Fire and Guts to raise her attack, she’ll want even more. Don’t be afraid, this loyal Pokemon won’t burn you, she can control her internal temperature so she’ll always be just right. And if you still can’t stand the heat, try spending time together in the water, I guarantee things will get steamy. She will melt your mind, and your dick! With this one, you’ll never have a cold night. Her fluff was made for cuddling, and as a bonus, you’ll never pay for heating or hot water again. She’ll even cook your food. And pyrokinesis? You could play around in the Himalayas for hours!
**4B: Flareon (Wholesome)** Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
**5A: Sylveon** Hey, fella’s, I’m sure you’re aware of the debate between Vaporeon and Umbreon and which is better for being compatible between humans but I’ve got news for you, There’s a pokemon that’s even better. as funny as this may sound it’s ANOTHER Eeveelution, it’s Sylveon to be exact. Sylveon weighs 51.8 Pounds or roughly 23.5 kilograms and is 3’03 tall, so they are most defiantly the right size for a person. Even better is that those ribbon-like feelers it has are actually part of its skin! this means they would feel fantastic for cuddling, foreplay, and even handjobs! (RibbonJobs?) even better is that they also emit a soothing aura. it can even wrap them around your arms and read your feelings so it knows when you’re horny! it also has access to moves like attract, charm, and of course baby doll eyes! as well as draining kiss. I’m sure you know what that would be great for. and most importantly. you can ONLY get a Sylveon by having an Eevee that’s already got a high affection for you. this means it would already be quite into you. so it would make the PERFECT mate! I believe I’ve made my case for why it’s the best pokemon for humans.
**5B: Sylveon** Hey guys, I’ve seen this copypasta going around about how vaporeon would be the best pokemon for male human female pokemon breeding and I just have to laugh at how wrong that is. Vaporeon definetly isnt the best pokemon, because Vaporeon isnt even the best eeveelution for that. The best eeveelution would be Sylveon, no contest. Lets take a look at abilities to start with, vaporeon has the abilities water absorb and hydration, which both are useless in this context. Water Absorb even specifies that is takes away moisture! Terrible! Terrible choice! Now let’s look at the correct option, sylveon’s abilities. Sylveons main ability is cute charm, which can infatuate you with a single touch, much better than moisture sapping vaporeon. As for stats, vaporeon does have a higher physical defense than sylveon however sylveon has a much higher special defense and comparable hp, meaning that sylveon would be much more emotionally available for you than stupid vaporeon. Now onto moves, I cant believe that one of the moves used as a positive for vaporeon is ACID armor a POISON type move, that would actively harm you if used. However sylveon has an excellent move pool of play rough, heal bell, reflect, wish, attract, baby-doll eyes, charm, draining kiss, sing and work up. Sylveon has the move misty terrain which can create atmosphere and removes any sleepiness. Sylveon also has to evolve via friendship, meaning that no abusive trainers would be able to get one, they fall under the field egg group, which is mostly mammals, they’re around the same size as pathetic vaporeon and they have access to ribbons that can extend and do all sorts of things. Overall, sylveon is a far better pick than vaporeon could ever hope to be.
**5C: Sylveon (Wholesome)** Hey, fella’s, Sylveon objectively the most huggable Pokémon is to be exact. Sylveon weighs 51.8 Pounds or roughly 23.5 kilograms and is 3’03 tall, so they are most defiantly the right best pokemon Even better is that those ribbon-like feelers it has are actually part of its skin! this means they would feel fantastic for cuddling, and hugging
**6: Jolteon** Heya guys, I bet you’re wondering which pokemon is good for a quick breeding. Not to worry, for I have all you’re answers here. It’s jolteon. yes, yes, another Eeveelution. That’s besides the point tho, jolteon weighs 24.5 KG or 54.0 pounds and is on average 2’07”. Now clearly jolteon isn’t as high in HP as vaporeon or as large, so you can’t be as rough with it. But, jolteon is able to electrocute it’s fur. Why is this important you ask? Well, some people enjoy pain during sex. And it’s fur is spiky and full of electricity. If that’s you’re thing then jolteon is probably the mon’ for you. It’s electricity would also just be really stimulating during sex. You probably wouldn’t last long, but neither would jolteon.
